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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 11:36:52 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 3, 2006 11:36:52 GMT -5
No No I know... Just my brain ish small -_- SMaller than this . <---
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 11:37:43 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 3, 2006 11:37:43 GMT -5
As Stephanie walked through the brown grass she she wondered what it would be like to fall off a very tall mountain. This mountain this young girl guessed was about 100 ft. down. She got scared. " I don't know what it's like down there but I wanna find out" the brown and red headed girl said scared. Stephanie kepy looking. Then this young girl realized she'd be throwing her life away if she did anything like that. So Stephanie walked away and sat under a tree still thinking I wanna know what it feels like.
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 11:50:20 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 3, 2006 11:50:20 GMT -5
Ok, well its nice...but...you have a few minor typos. Also when you wrote 'This mountain this young girl guessed was about 100 ft. down.' You might want to fix it up a bit by saying something like....
' Looking up and down the mountain she guessed it to be about 100 feet both ways .'
But thats just me. *shrug* Also when writing 'This young girl'...You should probably change that to 'The young girl'
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 11:53:13 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 3, 2006 11:53:13 GMT -5
As Stephanie walked through the brown grass she she wondered what it would be like to fall off a very tall mountain. Looking up and down the mountain she guessed it to be about 100 feet both ways. She got scared. " I don't know what it's like down there but I wanna find out" the brown and red headed girl said scared. Stephanie kepy looking. Then this young girl realized she'd be throwing her life away if she did anything like that. So Stephanie walked away and sat under a tree still thinking I wanna know what it feels like.
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 12:04:41 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 3, 2006 12:04:41 GMT -5
Better...some minor things again. Like with the 'This young girl' You have a few of those...ummm...I think thats good otherwise...
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 12:07:31 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 3, 2006 12:07:31 GMT -5
ok well gtg
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Kaylyn
Jun 3, 2006 12:45:58 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 3, 2006 12:45:58 GMT -5
Kelsie I don't know what to do now!
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Kaylyn
Jun 4, 2006 21:00:23 GMT -5
Post by Bloody Kiss on Jun 4, 2006 21:00:23 GMT -5
As Stephanie walked through the brown grass she she wondered what it would be like to fall off a very tall mountain. Looking up and down the mountain she guessed it to be about 100 feet both ways. She got scared. " I don't know what it's like down there but I wanna find out" the brown and red headed girl said scared. Stephanie kepy looking. Then this young girl realized she'd be throwing her life away if she did anything like that. So Stephanie walked away and sat under a tree still thinking I wanna know what it feels like. Gouadtheat!!pihte!! Kelsie, you need to SHOW her what she's not getting right! Like here, I'll show you Kaylyn. Words/stuff in red is what I added, stuff in slashout is what I got rid of. As Stephanie walked through the brown grass she she wondered what it would be like to fall off a very tall mountain. Looking up and down the mountain she guessed it to be about 100 feet both ways. She got scared. "I don't know what it's like down there , but I wanna find out ." the brown and red headed girl said feeling very scared. Stephanie kepy kept looking. Then this the young girl realized she'd be throwing her life away if she did anything like that. So Stephanie walked away and sat under a tree ,still thinking I wanna know what it feels like. I wanna know what it feels like.....[/i] See? I added a few words, because the grammar was correct. MAKE SURE YOU USE PUNCTUATION! Even when your character is done talking. And for ideas, here are a few for fictional lovers. - Life from a dog/cat's point of veiw, maybe one who htes their owner, or who thinks their owner is dumb?
- A girl lost in the forest?
- A girl that is misunderstood because she's part animal?
- A boy who lost his parents?
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Kaylyn
Jun 5, 2006 14:22:34 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 5, 2006 14:22:34 GMT -5
-_- I was gettin got that....Just....Im not a very good teacher is all... *Sigh*
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Kaylyn
Jun 5, 2006 16:26:10 GMT -5
Post by Bloody Kiss on Jun 5, 2006 16:26:10 GMT -5
*patpat*
There there! I've actually been teaching for a while. Dun worry! Even teachers need to be taught.
Hey- I was thinking....Peh. I'll PM you what I was thinking.
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Kaylyn
Jun 5, 2006 16:36:01 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 5, 2006 16:36:01 GMT -5
*Wiggles*
-_- Only difference is your like a walking dictionary...Is that how you spell it? GAH SEE WHAT I MEAN?!
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Kaylyn
Jun 7, 2006 13:59:17 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 7, 2006 13:59:17 GMT -5
As Stephanie walked through the brown grass she wondered what it would be like to fall off a very tall mountain. Looking up and down the mountain she guessed it to be about 100 feet both ways. She got scared. "I don't know what it's like down there, but I wanna find out." the brown and red headed girl said feeling very scared. Stephanie kepy kept looking. Then the young girl realized she'd be throwing her life away if she did anything like that. So Stephanie walked away and sat under a tree ,still thinking I wanna know what it feels like.....
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Kaylyn
Jun 7, 2006 14:11:25 GMT -5
Post by Bloody Kiss on Jun 7, 2006 14:11:25 GMT -5
Remember, when your character is thinking, put it in italics or use these ' at the beginning and end. You forgot a comma, but otherwise, it's awsome!
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Kaylyn
Jun 7, 2006 14:13:07 GMT -5
Post by twoteeth on Jun 7, 2006 14:13:07 GMT -5
ok now what?
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Kaylyn
Jun 7, 2006 14:13:30 GMT -5
Post by Darknessfalls on Jun 7, 2006 14:13:30 GMT -5
Kaylyn, if you dont know how to make it in italics on here all you do is write this. Blah blah Without any spaces.
^_^
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