Kaylyn

[twoteeth]

Name:Kaylyn
Age:12
Level you think your at:Beginner
RP Example: Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. "What was the " She said. She kept walking she had no idea what it was. Stephanie freaked. But then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look she saw something. What was it she thought. It was a animal all along. It was a unicorn!

[Darknessfalls]

Ok I will make changes....

Original

Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. "What was
the " She said. She kept walking she had no idea what it was. Stephanie freaked. But then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look she saw something. What was it she thought. It was a animal all along. It was a unicorn!

New

Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. "What was that?" She said. She kept walking, she had no idea what that was. Stephanie freaked,but then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that? Seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look. she saw something. What was it she thought. It was an animal all along. It was a unicorn!

Colors:
Red: Spelling
Yellow: Exclamations
Pink: Suggestions
Green: Grammar

Ok that was a start to it. First off you can see you use the word 'she' alot. Maybe try, 'the young girl' or maybe after you have a charrie you are using in an rp 'the girl with brown hair'. It gives you variety instead of using 'she' all the time.

[twoteeth]

ok thanx should i do it all over again?

[twoteeth]

Name:Kaylyn
Age:12
Level you think your at:Beginner
RP: Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. "What was that?" She said. The young girl kept walking, Stephanie had no idea what that was. Stephanie freaked,but then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that? Seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look. . What was it she thought. It was an animal all along. It was a unicorn!

[Darknessfalls]

Ok...Pretty much the same...No errors in spelling so thats good. Try to make it more interesting. Here are some things you might want to make more interesting.

What kind of tree? How big is it?
When she says 'What was that?' Ws she happy sad or frightened. Maybe what color or gender is the unicorn? Now try re-writing it.

[twoteeth]

Name:Kaylyn
Age:12
Level you think your at:Beginner
RP: Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. It was a maple tree. This tree was also 10 ft. tall. "What was that?" She said. The young girl kept walking, Stephanie had no idea what that was. Stephanie freaked,but then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that?" She said frightened. Seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look. . What was it she thought. It was an animal all along. It was a unicorn! This unicorn was red with a black horn it was also a boy.

[Darknessfalls]

*claps* Very nice. Great description. Now lets try and make i flow a bit nicer...Like here is an example.

Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. It was a maple tree. This tree was also 10 ft. tall.

ets fix this now.

Stephanie walked around the corner of the old maple. Looking up she guessed it to be about ten feet tall.

So try making it flow a little more.

[twoteeth]

Name:Kaylyn
Age:12
Level you think your at:Beginner
RP: Stephanie walked around the corner of the tree. It was a raggady old maple tree. As Stephanie looked up she guessed this tree to be 10 ft. tall. "What was that?" She said. The young girl kept walking, Stephanie had no idea what that was. Stephanie freaked,but then realized she can't be scared of something in the woods. "What was that?" She said frightened. Seriously tell me" Stephanie went to look. . What was it she thought. It was an animal all along. It was a unicorn! This unicorn was red with a black horn it was also a boy.

[Darknessfalls]

Mmmm Nice...Could be better but its great for a beginner. Ok so lets try a new RP example. So write another one up tex ^_< Any questions so far?

((You dont have to write the whole form again and again just the rp lol. And if you wanna say anything do that to.))

[twoteeth]

I don't know what to write

[twoteeth]

Stephanie walk through the woods with all kinds of trees there. She examined all of them. There were old maple trees, some new maple trees, there were old other trees and kelsie ill finish later i have to get off

[Darknessfalls]

Lol Ok Kay. Have fun ^_^

[Bloody Kiss]

Just to let you know, I'm here to help and give ideas. I'm not a teacher for beginners, but that dosen't mean I wont give you pointers ever now and then. Here's a few right now- for you and Darky.

When a character is thinking, try to put it in italics, or words like this. You can put them in italics by clicking the little slanted 'I' button when you are writing a post. Or, if not italics, use these ''. Here are the two ways.
What was that? thought CC, stepping back slightly.
Or.....
'What was that?' thought CC, stepping back slightly.

Also, when using commas and periods, put spaces behind them. It takes a little more effort, but it looks a whole lot better. For example,
CC grumbled,annoyed.Where was Lita?Where was Sabrina?
Could be changed to
CC grumbled, annoyed. Where was Lita? Where was Sabrina?

See how much better it looks?

And, you're getting alot better! Good job to you and Darky!

[Darknessfalls]

-_- For you and Darky? Whats that mean? *runs around with bucket* What love you wash over us with Mo Mo -_-

[Bloody Kiss]

It means you could use an extra-helping of RP help, too.

Aie- no harm intended. I do too, ish just that I've been rping more than you. And in higher rps. Don't beleive me? Cause I'll post one rp that I saved if you don't. Fauna's in it.